EarthBound: Of Swords and Bats
by SaturnStorm
Summary: Have you ever had one of those mornings, sittin in the field after some hard work, when a cow come tells you the World's gonna be destroyed? Well ain't that somethin.


**Author's Notes:** Satsy's here again, and yesh, she appears to be on a roll! From zip to fic, I've been a busy gal, getting onto those little ideas that have been niggling away at the back of my mind. Heck, that secret project was pretty dominant with its awkward planning... And this was no picnic, since I couldn't get into the mood for it. Found the inspiration came from remembering this one scene I really wanted to write, and looking at Ragnarok manga pictures online. Don't know how, but it worked. So enjoy the Medieval treat that is my next half-planned saga...

* * *

_'Twas the darkest of nights whence a mystic curse plagued the towne deep in the Northmost hills. A strange and mystick force overcame the peoples, and eerie lights, like sorcery magick, would erupt from the town, such evils that could be seen over into thine trades city to the East. Many a folk were up in arms about this, but the towne were not spilling what made those lights._

_Tis almost like they did not know._

--Paula, Twoson

* * *

"Hey Picky?"

"Yeah, Ness?"

"Have you noticed anything odd recently?"

The two young men looked around from their spot on the fence around the cattle. They were taking their break from a hard morning's work, looking after the livestock and helping sow the fields. It would have been easier if Picky's fat brother Pokey had lent a hand, but he had decided to sleep in, under the pretence of being ill. But that wasn't unusual.

The farm upon which they sat belonged to their parents: the Minchs, and Ness's mother. Originally it had been bought by Ness's dad, Flintson, but now he was away on another trade-round, and so to help his wife out they had allowed the Minchs to move on, to live on the land and treat it like it was their own. Unfortunately that kept causing a small rift, as the live-in family began to try taking over the farm, claiming it was handed to them. Somehow Ness, and the youngest Minch, Picky, got on in spite of the feud that continuously went on behind them.

The short blonde rubbed his chin, "Well," Picky mused, "the chickens have been a bit testy recently, and the cows act up over that side of the field," he pointed to the furthest corner from them, which was empty of cattle.

The bushy black-haired boy raised an eyebrow, "The chickens have been 'testy'? What do you mean?"

Looking over at the chicken pen, Picky asked "Well you know we have to put up those fences to keep foxes and dogs out of their pen?" Ness nodded, "Well they pecked it down. And I haven't seen one lost chicken."

Ness nodded, "That does sound a bit strange. Come to think of it, they won't let me in there." he made a mental note to make that Pokey's job from now on. "I've also noticed some of the wildlife around here getting agitated, too. I have to fight my way to town to get the bread now. That would have sounded silly two weeks ago."

Agreeing, Picky continued "An' I hear that gang's been causing fuss again. What're their names? The Sharks or something?"

"What does that even _mean?_" Ness rolled his eyes, "Why _shark_? What's a _shark_?"

Picky shrugged, "Beats me, but whatever it is it's got a really silly looking point on its head. I thought a Unicorn was cheesy, but then they had to go introduce a 'shark'. D'you reckon that fin thing serves some purpose? Like the Unicorn's horn has magic?"

Smirking, Ness replied "Doubt it. That thing's probably just nature's cruel joke, making it stick out from everything else."

"Its known as a dorsel fin, and its said to strike terror in those at sea, alerting them to the threat under the ocean, a predator that pulls them under and rips them apart with powerful jaws and sharp teeth, leaving little alive in its wake."

Both Ness and Picky looked at each other blankly, then looked around. Who just said that? Aside from the rippling bulge that was an approaching Pokey, nobody else was around. Only the cows shared the area around them.

Giving his friend an odd look, Ness spoke at length "Part of me wants to assume one of the cows just spoke. Something hopeful wants me to believe Pokey said something smart."

"What was that, pigs butt?" Pokey snapped, waddling up close to lean on the fence. The two lean boys swore the fence began to buckle.

Ness rolled his eyes, "Nothing Pokey. By the way, you're on chicken duty from now on."

"Fat chance." Pokey snorted.

"That's what we're counting on." Ness returned, and turned back to Picky, "So it's not just me, then? The animals are acting up more'n usual?"

Looking at one of the closest cows carefully, Picky replied "The animals, that gang, and I think even the local policers are getting a little weird. All weird stuff's been going on since those weird lights a few weeks ago."

"And to think you all ignored it!" another close cow retorted, glaring at them, looking both annoyed and dumb all at once.

At first nobody moved. The only emenating sound was that of the wooden fence, creaking under the large blonde's excess pie mass. It didn't take Ness long to turn and laugh, though, "Hah, I was right! It _was_ the cow!" Then he stopped. "Wait, cows don't talk." he eyed up the bovine warily "Are you enchanted or something?"

The cow shook its head "The cow is being used as a medium so I can talk. I was hoping to perhaps get you alone, Ness, but sadly that hasn't been possible, as the only person to come to this field on his own is that large boy, dangling in front of us, of all things, slabs of meat as if to tempt us into cannibalism or something."

Pokey scratched his second chin nervously, "heh, well," he mumbled.

Giving Pokey and odd look, Ness turned to the cow, "Well okay, then I've got a few questions for you. First, why are you using a cow to talk to me?"

"Because you seem to have an anti-bug policy which keeps me from speaking to you directly." The black-and-white cow bowed down and shook its head as though trying to dislodge something, "As it is I'm having to pass suggestions to the cow from its ear canal."

There was a few seconds before Ness spoke again, "Wow, that answers a whole bunch of my questions, but opens up so many more..."

The cow interrupted, "Then its a shame we do not have time to discuss them at length. All you need to know is that my name is Buzz Buzz, and I am from a future time long beyond your grasp. At this time, the World is devastation."

Picky finally spoke up, only just able to get his head around the 'talking cow' concept, "Then how did you get to now, on this farm?"

Looking directly at the younger blonde Buzz Buzz replied "And that is one of the unimportant questions." He turned back to Ness, "I have risked so much by coming here already, and a battle has already been waged, but now I must pass on the knowledge of the legacy, so that the future can be saved.

"The Cosmic Destroyer, Giygas, has conquered this planet, and enslaved its people for his own greedy desires--"

"Is he some sort of dragon?" Pokey demanded suddenly.

Barely sparing a glance Buzz Buzz answered "Yeah sure whatever.

"But one thing kept the spirits of our people up over the years, and that is a prophecy. That three males and a female would rise up against Giygas, and overthrow his dark regime, and restore order to the Planet."

Picky held up his hands, exclaiming "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Backup! You said you came from the future. So that meant this 'prophecy' happened already. So why's the future still in trouble if the prophecy's already been done?"

Ness pointed at Picky and nodded, "He's got a point."

"At the time," Buzz Buzz explained, "The prophecy was fullfilled in half. While the Chosen Ones had moved forward to their destiny, they knew not what they were against. That's why I'm here now, to see to it that this time, the Chosen Boy is informed of his task before the invasion begins." he paused, "Well, that _was_ the plan, but the invasion will have begun by now. But on with the story...

"One of the Four Chosen is you, Ness." He looked directly at the black-haired boy, "Together with the others you shall meet on your journey, you will overcome the invasion, and overthrow the evil... Dragon... sorceror-dragon... Giygas and his cohorts. Along the way will be many hardships, but you will become all the stronger for them."

Staring straight back at the cow, Ness grumbled "Do you think I'm insane? How exactly am I supposed to defeat a sorceror dragon? I don't even know any magic myself!"

The posessed cow apparently had an answer for everything "Along your journey there are seven points that will connect you with the Earth. These will be Your Sanctuaries, a safe-haven against Giygas and a place to build your power." It winced, "But I fear Giygas may have already taken those locations, and so you must take them back from him, with the spells you will learn on the way. I believe there's a location somewhere in the Hills to the West."

Perking up, Picky stated "oh yeah that giant footprint! I hear its near impossible to get there now, for the forts the Shark gangs've been building."

Looking between the cow, and the two blondes who looked more interested than they probably should have been, Ness couldn't quite figure out how to react. "O-kay!" he called out suddenly, jumping away from the cattle-pen, "Then I'll go get a weapon and go save the World!" and he marched off, looking so overly enthusiastic anyone in their right mind would have guessed he was sarcastic.

"I'm gonna go, too! This sounds like fun!" Picky stated, running back off to his house.

Pokey watched the other two boys run off, before looking back at the cow, "Hey, you said 'three boys', right? I'm not one of them, am I?"

The cow didn't respond. It seemed to be chewing something, with a blank, dazed look on its face.

Frowning, Pokey shouted "Hey, you stupid cow, I'm talking to you! Come on, say something!"

It seemed Buzz Buzz was no longer in charge, as the cow, now just the average Bessie, gave a long, contented 'moo' and leaned down to chew at the grass.

Catching onto the bug's fate, Pokey's face broke into a wide, chubby grin. "Well, looks like beef's on the menu tonight, lard-butt!" he licked his lips, and headed toward his house, "Hey, ma! We got a bad cow in the field!"

* * *

When Picky found Ness, the taller boy was pacing around in their garden, being watched by the family's faithful lazy hound, King. Ness didn't have a weapon in hand, and didn't look ready to go anywhere, which confused the blonde a little, but he couldn't help but try, "Hey, Ness, where's your stuff?"

Looking up wearily, Ness asked "What are you doing here, Picky?"

Shrugging nervously, Picky responded, "Well, I was gonna see if you needed me to come with or something. You know, some company on the journey?"

"Picky," Ness rubbed his temples tiredly, "There is no journey. Nobody's going anywhere, not you, not me, not even Pokey, as nice as that would be."

The teen looked really sad, "What? Are you serious?"

Exploding in the light of the situation Ness yelled "We just got told the World's gonna explode by a _talking cow!_ There is nothing in that whole sentence that makes the slightest bit of sense! We're all gonna get taken over by a Dragon-sorceror-- how does this comply to you! I don't care if I'm getting the message wrong, whatever that cow thing was, it was some... a _hallucination_ or something! All's I can say is _that did not happen!"_

**What didn't happen?**

Ness stopped dead, then looked at his dog.

King cocked his head to the side, tongue lolling out, **What? I'm just sayin' is all. You're acting up over nothing. Get over yourself, kid.**

Going back to rubbing his temples Ness muttered, "Great, now I can commune with the animals, too..."

Picky looked over at King, who barked happily. Ness shot the dog a look before reverting to pacing once more. It was time to break the scepticism. "So you heard the dog talk."

"Yeah."

"And you had a coversation with a bug."

"Yup."

"It was talking through a cow."

"That's about the jist of it."

**I think I know that bug, it yelled at me for peeing on the dark grass the other day.**

Ness shot another glare at the loyal mutt.

Continuing, Picky said "And it told you you'd learn spells and things."

"That I recall."

"And that you'd save the World."

"Thats what it said."

"It sounds silly doesn't it?"

"It does." Ness nodded.

"But it wasn't."

"... No."

"It happened, didn't it?"

"... Yes."

"And you're going to do it, aren't you?"

Ness shook his head and rubbed it, "You make it sound easy, but I could _die_ out there! I mean for all I know I'm just going insane, and I'll wake up tomorrow in a melting room and next week I'll be the target for _peanuts_ at the local crazy house!"

Leaning against the wall Picky pointed out "Yeah, but this isn't the first crazy thing to happen, is it?"

Blinking, Ness questioned "What do you mean?"

A young blonde girl poked her head around the corner, "Hey big bro, mom asked me to ask you if you need any chainmail?"

The boy's eyes went as wide as dinner plated. "... Why'd she ask _that?"_

Giving a coy little smile the girl, Tracy, answered "These walls are really thin. You should learn to express your madness out in the fields like dad used to do."

Looking defeated, Ness pointed out "But we could hear dad when he was in the field--" He stopped and realised what that meant, "--point taken."

"Back on track," Picky spoke up again, "I didn't really want to bring this up at first, but do you remember that old vegetable lady who passed out last week? The one you took care of and took to the hospital?"

Thinking back as far as he could, Ness answered "Yeah, I think so."

Staring through the long bangs of hair that hid his eyes, Picky continued "Did you know they threw her out the hospital and told her not to waste their time? Because she was fine. In fact, she's fitter than she has been in years. She's been giving some of the younger girls a run for their money."

Bringing a fist to his mouth, Ness said "That could have been anything that did that."

**Yeah, the same thing that got rid of my flu the other day.** King noted. Tracy knelt next to him and began stroking its matted fur.

Ness gave his decision a lot of consideration. This could have really all happened, or he was totally mad. Finally, he smiled, the same one he'd made before leaving the boys before, "Okay, I'm going to do it."

Giving him a wary look Picky queried "Really this time?"

"Yes." He looked at the blondes and the dog and spoke carefully, "If that all really did happen, then the World needs for me to get off my butt and start helping out. If that didn't all really happen, and I turn out to be mad, then I should go anyway, and save my family the embarrassement."

Tracy cheered "Good for you!" Then she got up, "I'll tell mom you need that chainmail!"

Smiling, Picky asked "So do you want me to tag along?"

"Nah, its like the cow said, this could be dangerous. I mean there's the wild animals and the sharks, and even a sorceror dragon! This ain't no walk in the park!"

**Well you just lost my vote**, King sniffed,** I can barely do the park as it is.**

Ignoring the dog, Ness said "I'll be going this alone. I mean what's the worst that can happen?"

* * *

**TO BE CONTINUED...**

**A/N:** And that's the prologue chapter.

If you haven't noticed, yes, this is yet another EarthBound retelling, set in days of olde, based largely off the game. Recently I came up with another idea which may get implemented, but that one's more half-cooked than this one could ever be. So I'll probably hold off on that one.

In the meantime, reviews are nice! I'm trying to do a 'write for me' thing, but a review is still a nice thing, so if you can spare the time, please let me know if this falls into love or hate. Thanks.

WARNING: This has only been read for errors once, may still cause some errors, which I apologise for now. Thanks.


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